The Advice given by A Dad Which Saved Me as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider failure to talk between men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - taking a short trip away, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."